Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
