I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
