Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
