rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
