Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
