I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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