you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
