i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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