I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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