If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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