He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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