I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
