Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
not ubering you a puppy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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