My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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