What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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