At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bring me that man meat
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