The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
