i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
