I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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