he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
