I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
