You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
