Already got asked if we're dating
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
porn star boner night. come get it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
