my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Houston, we have a squirter
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
