watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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