So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
