i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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