My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
