I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
