Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
