i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need water and some morals
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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