i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
