I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
