So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
