im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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