You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
