Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
