I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
