anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
