Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
