6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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