As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
