He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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