I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
