Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
