dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
