Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
