You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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