first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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