Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
