Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If i come over, it means nothing
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
