I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
