so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
