Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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